drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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