If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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