Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I would fuck him just for his dog
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
