i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
