She announced her abortion via fbk
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
