I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
