I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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