Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
