just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
