It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
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