I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
