Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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