pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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