Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
