I didn't shave. On purpose
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
