I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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