i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
