my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize