I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
