my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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