Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
