I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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