Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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