i think my tv is drunk
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
