Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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