He is an equal opportunity slut.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
