WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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