Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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