2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
