yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
