Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
