Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
