Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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