Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
