No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize