Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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