No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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