and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
