Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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