she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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