the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
