Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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