I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
