I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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