nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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