not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
