I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
