ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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