I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
