Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
too bad you live with your parents still
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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