I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
