Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
