Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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