i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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