her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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