then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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