wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize