Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
