I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
