Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
