I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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