So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
