and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
