six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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