dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
