I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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