I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
