No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
