Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I could fuck to npr.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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