Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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