Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
